In this brief and engaging book, Nancy Guthrie draws on her own experience of loss and the testimonies of many bereaved individuals to craft a practical and compassionate guide for those seeking to comfort the grieving.
She begins by noting that one of the most painful aspects of grief is the silence that often surrounds it—friends and family may withdraw out of fear of saying the wrong thing. Guthrie argues that meaningful support begins with acknowledgment: naming the loss, speaking the loved one’s name, and validating the grief rather than ignoring it. Her tone is compassionate yet candid. She encourages readers to overcome the discomfort or awkwardness that might prevent someone from saying something or drawing near to someone in pain.
Building on that foundation, Guthrie explores both the missteps and the meaningful gestures that characterize how people respond to loss. She highlights the importance of listening rather than trying to offer advice, avoiding comparison or minimization, and providing concrete acts of care rather than vague assurances.
Particularly within Christian communities, she challenges the use of well-intentioned but hurtful clichés (anything from "this was God's will" to "God must have needed another angel"). These phrases are often an attempt to spiritualize tragedy without engaging the depth of sorrow. Instead, she offers language and practices that honor both the reality of pain and the hope of faith. Someone's presence and patience communicate love more powerfully than any quickly given theological explanation.
A unique feature of the book is the many statements from people who have encountered both positive and negative comments during times of suffering. These testimonies are a strong complement to Guthrie's main discussions. A few of Guthrie's suggestions for what not to say and what you might say instead:
What you Shouldn't Do:
Don’t stay silent. Avoiding the grieving person out of fear of saying the wrong thing often hurts more than any imperfect words.
Don’t use clichés or platitudes. Phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “God needed them more” can feel dismissive or theologically shallow.
Don’t compare griefs. Saying things like “I know how you feel” or referencing your own losses can shift focus away from their unique pain.
Don’t rush the process. Implying that someone should “move on” or “be over it by now” fails to respect the ongoing nature of grief.
Don’t offer easy explanations. Trying to make sense of suffering or defend God’s actions can deepen confusion and alienation.
What you Should Do:
Do acknowledge the loss. Speak the person’s name, mention the loved one, and express your sorrow plainly.
Do show up and stay present. Simple presence—visiting, listening, or checking in—communicates love more powerfully than advice.
Do offer practical help. Meals, childcare, errands, and remembering anniversaries provide tangible relief and care.
Do listen with empathy. Allow the grieving person to tell their story repeatedly without judgment or correction.
Do remind them of hope. When appropriate, gently affirm the Christian hope of resurrection and God’s enduring compassion—never as a shortcut to silence pain, but as a truth that sustains it.
In her concluding reflections, Guthrie turns to how grief unfolds over time and within contemporary contexts, including social media, communal rituals, and the enduring hope of resurrection. She reminds readers that grief does not operate on a timetable and that faithful companionship means walking alongside the bereaved long after others have moved on.
The book ultimately presents a vision of comfort that is both theologically grounded and profoundly human. By embracing honesty, empathy, and endurance, Guthrie’s work equips readers to embody Christlike compassion and help others bear sorrow not by solving it, but by sharing it.
Some Notes:- See further details about this volume and Guthrie's other books on biblical theology and the theme of suffering. Cf. my goodreads & reviews of volumes in the ESV Commentary series; Thanks to Crossway for this review copy.
